Everyday life...

Alright.. I was instructed to write a blog today... hmm.. all day I jot things down, " I've so gotta go home and blog about this" .. and then I get here.. and .. BLlaaaaaah... I don't feel like doing a damn thing. Let's look at the notes from yesterday. . .
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Seeming as customer service and retail take up such a large part of my life.. this blog is for you. Those of you whom ever go to a restarant, a department store, a grocery store... and in my case.. a gas station. Meeting new people is one of my fav things about my job. I love the interaction with everyone. There is something that I've come to realize ... alot of people in this world just really need someone to talk to. A simple " any fuel today " conversation turns into a hightened story of one's life in no time. .. and in normal settings.. thats wonderful, I want to get to know you.. but when there is a line of ten people behind you, please.. don't go on about your couisin's roomate's dog's fleas. ... .. I'd love to hear the story, but have some respect for those in line... Don't multi-task and try to re-arrange your new purse while balancing the phone on your shoulder and ignoring me, .. acting as though my question interrupted your conversation. I don't know why it is that 40 % of the human race seems to wait to get into a new phone call until they enter the gas station. . I AM HUMAN! I deserve the respect of some attention. Your time with me is no more than a few minutes, just put the damn phone down and act like your mamma taught you some manners!! URg... such a huge peeeeveeee of mine!

ON a more positive note..














To most.. this is just the annoying pocket filler.. weighs you down.. makes noise.. dump it on the table when you get home... but at work.. We beg to differ. Our company is raising money for the Special Olympics .. most donations are for $1... but soo many people have donated and are sick of the same question being asked over, and over.. and over again. So we have decided to 'change' it up a bit. Give us your spare change. The 18 cents you get back from your coffee... people look at you like your crazy.. " that is gonna make a difference??" when you ask if they would be willing to donate.. Yup.. as we tell them.. EVERY PENNY COUNTS ! Today was slower, HECTIC, but slow. Yet before my shift was done we had sold well over $40 in donation sheets just from the coins we all so often discard. Isn't that amazing??!! So the next time that you just toss that dime on the table.. think about how much of a difference it could make in someone's life.














... and now.. on a personal note..





Lately I've been feeling very blessed... I have a wonderful friend, who lives just 5 feet away. .. I know that she is always there to bring me up when I'm feeling down.. there to bake "with" me.. in our own lil spaces... to borrow the needed ingredients, utensils.. etc... and to bring a smile to my face. And then there is Mady. There are no words to totally sum up that lil one. She amazes me. Her smile warms my heart. I walk in the door.. and she greets me like family, arms outstretched. That is my blessing for the day. The people near (both physically and emotionally) and dear to me.





Goodnite.... ** ZzZzZzZzzz.. . ..

Lazy dayz...

Well.. another day .. I'm still hurting with the thoughts of all of the issue going on in my own life and the lives of those around me. But once again.. there is someone who is here to take my mind off of the crazy stuff.... EM!!





I mean.. look.. how can you not smile when she tells you that everything will work itself out?? HUH?? lol.. I've tossed many things in the air today.. getting my hair cut.. going to Sam's club, Wal-mart.. grocery store with Em and Mady... who knows.. Part of me just wants to sit here and do nothing, but the fact that the boy is sleeping in the next room really bothers me. So.. let's see.. ABortion.. I'm not for it.. not at all..










It may not be something that you can hold in your hands just yet.. but .. look.. eyes, hands, feet.. heart.. it's a baby. NO matter which way you roll it.. it's a baby. And no matter how drunk you were, or horny, or purely stupid.. you took the action to produce this living person!! Take responsibility for your actions. This baby deserves more of a chance at life than anyone else... who are you to decide to take that gift from them??? URG!

melancholy ...

Well.. today.. not exactly the type of day that I would have so chosen to write my first post on this wonderful blog spot.. but .. so goes life. Things do not go as planned.. they can't ever be simple.. or predictable.. and I just have to come to live with that, as hard as it may be... Right now I sit on my new comfy chair.. a pounding headache and a leaky faucet of tears running down my cheeks. Today has been one heaping pile of emotions. This whole week has been.. and I am really sorry for those of you whom know me personally and have to be subject to whatever might fly out of my mouth at various times. I work too much, I cry too much, and I love not enough. A very dear friend of mine is struggling with some of the same issues as myself and has decided to just breathe, step back and think about if the actions that may be taken at that moment in time towards the problem are actually worth it in the long run. .. and I so wish that I could do that. I so want to try and follow in her shadow.. but I feel as though I'm stuck hiding behind the brick building.. peeking out and grinning at her new found happiness, but my ankle shackled ... myself held back from actually being able to feel her joy. Men.. well.. more like boys.. whey do they insist on ruining our lives?? why must they do everything in thier power.. without knowing mind you.. to make us cry.. hurt??? How is it that I can feel so alone when I'm never farther than 5 feet from another person? I've moved away from all of my friends and family, and I'm starting to feel sorry my lovely neighbor who seems to get stuck with me and my issues because of our work and home status.. lol.. Em.. I don't mean to stick you all the time.. lately I just feel like you and I connect on a different level.. not just co-worker, or photographer friend.. or neighbor.. but more like someone who understands and can show and feel true compassion towards the other... or maybe I'm just crazy. I don't feel that I ask too much out of life.. I just want what others seem to take for granted. I want a man to love me for me. To show me every day in little ways that he does care. And I want children.. the sound of a crying baby make me bawl today.. So many people take life for granted.. I have this fear that I may not be able to have children.. and people close to me just seem to feel that they are a inconvience in life.. while I would be so happy to get knocked up.. Who knows. I guess that I'm just destined to sit here and watch everyone else throw away and abuse the simple things in life that I would live for. ..


Blessing for the day..

Emily.. my rock right now.. she is always there to lend a hand.. open an ear.. and share a pizza order.. hehehe .. ** hugs to you!!

Well. hopefully next post will be more complete.. and less sad ..